2 years on!

Post by Brian Powlett.

Brains... brains....BRAINS!

Over the last few months I have been having CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy as a result of my cycling anxiety caused by a road accident in 2012. Initially I was not sure whether I wanted to have the treatment, but I am now glad I did.

I've been seeing a private psychologist at Nuffield Hospital, Ipswich. Thankfully this will be paid for through the insurers.

The advice I have recieved from my doctor has been fantastic. It has really opened my mind into how the brain works. For example. One of my bigger issues was being over sensitive, hyper aware of my position on the road. I would critically assess every single car that went past me. Too close. Too fast. Too aggressive. I would not ride too far from home. One of the tasks I was set was to focus on acknowledging the good drivers with the same enthusiasm as I would give to the bad drivers.... This worked for me. It highlighted to me that the majority of drivers were not trying to kill me. Obviously there are a lot of pricks out there. The ones who would rather use there car as a blocking device than let a cyclist get on his/her way. Heaven forbid their journey be delayed by 2 seconds.
Other psychological tools the doctor has given me, was at certain points during my ride, to acknowledge that I am safe. Doing this verbally or mentally at a junction in a road or just pulling over to the side of the road and take it in.

I know now that without the CBT sessions I would not be riding again. It was due to these sessions that I was able to go out on my first "real ride" on my road bike, since my wreck. This was a very significant turning point for me.

It has really made me happy that companies like The AA and Halfords have collaborated in a "Think Bikes" campaign. I have fitted the stickers to my car.... Because I do drive too.
I particularly liked the YouTube ad which came out too. Far better than the insensitive bollocks which Top Gear produced.

My brain is starting to heal and I have learned some new methods of dealing with my anxiety. One person's momentary lapse of judgement has cost me 2 years. I am not bitter. In fact I am thankful. Thankful to be alive and thankful that if just one person thinks more carefully about other road users (Not just cyclists) then the purpose of this post has been met.

Please read the articles I have linked in to this page.

http://road.cc/content/news/114228-family-dead-cyclist-release-hospital-photo-warning-drivers

http://road.cc/content/news/114288-video-australian-driver-hits-cyclist-behind

What's the rush pal???  

Legacy of a wreck.

July 8th 2012, at around 7.15 pm I was knocked of my road bike while out training for forthcoming triathlons. Over a year on and my bike has been restored to a ride worthy state. New forks, wheels, brakes, shifters, cables, bottle cages and handle bars. The bike is totally ready for action. I have even lent it to a close friend for her to use during her own first ever Triathlon. Problem is..... am I ready?

The 12th of July was a long time ago. So what's wrong?

I recently went for a psychological evaluation for part of my insurance/compensation claim. I have since received a copy of the doctor's report. It made for some very interesting reading. Some people have asked me if I "hammed it up" for the session with the doctor? I can tell you now. There is no way a reasonable person would be able to pull anything over the eyes of these trained professionals. The report was as much about my body language, eye contact and attitude, than anything else. He was very thorough in his questioning, bringing up some things from my medical records which caught me of guard. For example.

Pretty funny eh? As you can imagine. This took me by surprise BIG TIME! Apparently this was to see if I had any underlying anger management issues.... I don't.... I DON'T!!!!! ;-)

I  was also asked about my emotional state. I have always been more on the positive side. I mean I am very thankful that I didn't get seriously injured or worse. I have not had any real breakdowns. The closest i've come to "losing it" was the first time I saw this video to the Rudimental track- Waiting all night. It's opening sequence includes footage of a bike accident. The guy was a bit of a plum but no one deserves that.....

So what's wrong again? It turns out I have developed a form of Specific Phobia which is related to riding my road bike. I can ride my single speed (fixie), my hybrid and my commuter bikes, but I have issues with riding my race bike at pace. I have tried using it to ride to work, but I am still very nervous. I also seem to make excuses to avoid going riding. Too hot, too cold, looks like rain and there may be ice out. I can't pretend to understand this fully. I just know that my fear is irrational and unfounded. 

I hope to get back to it soon... tomorrow?

The price of injury

Went to the doctors today. This was so they could check and evaluate my injuries from my accident in July. Took longer than I anticipated but hopefully will be worth while. Have been told  that the scars will remain and not fade much more due to the nature of the cuts.
The injuries have all but healed. The scars still itch like a bastard. My knees only give me discomfort when squatting. I think most of the damage is psychological. I still am quite nervous on the road when cycling and my confidence has been smashed. Really not sure how I will react if I ever get back on the saddle.

Still just hanging there in my garage the "Dirty Bike Carcass"

Next step is to wait and see what/how much the solicitor recommends putting in a claim for. Then we wait.
Still unsure what to do with any compensation too. The option of getting a new bike is nice but the second option of investing in a new business opportunity for 2013 also appeals.
Guess I will have to wait and see.