Brains... brains....BRAINS!

Over the last few months I have been having CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy as a result of my cycling anxiety caused by a road accident in 2012. Initially I was not sure whether I wanted to have the treatment, but I am now glad I did.

I've been seeing a private psychologist at Nuffield Hospital, Ipswich. Thankfully this will be paid for through the insurers.

The advice I have recieved from my doctor has been fantastic. It has really opened my mind into how the brain works. For example. One of my bigger issues was being over sensitive, hyper aware of my position on the road. I would critically assess every single car that went past me. Too close. Too fast. Too aggressive. I would not ride too far from home. One of the tasks I was set was to focus on acknowledging the good drivers with the same enthusiasm as I would give to the bad drivers.... This worked for me. It highlighted to me that the majority of drivers were not trying to kill me. Obviously there are a lot of pricks out there. The ones who would rather use there car as a blocking device than let a cyclist get on his/her way. Heaven forbid their journey be delayed by 2 seconds.
Other psychological tools the doctor has given me, was at certain points during my ride, to acknowledge that I am safe. Doing this verbally or mentally at a junction in a road or just pulling over to the side of the road and take it in.

I know now that without the CBT sessions I would not be riding again. It was due to these sessions that I was able to go out on my first "real ride" on my road bike, since my wreck. This was a very significant turning point for me.

It has really made me happy that companies like The AA and Halfords have collaborated in a "Think Bikes" campaign. I have fitted the stickers to my car.... Because I do drive too.
I particularly liked the YouTube ad which came out too. Far better than the insensitive bollocks which Top Gear produced.

My brain is starting to heal and I have learned some new methods of dealing with my anxiety. One person's momentary lapse of judgement has cost me 2 years. I am not bitter. In fact I am thankful. Thankful to be alive and thankful that if just one person thinks more carefully about other road users (Not just cyclists) then the purpose of this post has been met.

Please read the articles I have linked in to this page.

http://road.cc/content/news/114228-family-dead-cyclist-release-hospital-photo-warning-drivers

http://road.cc/content/news/114288-video-australian-driver-hits-cyclist-behind

What's the rush pal???  

Return the joy please Doc.

This evening I will be going to see a psychologist for CBT. CBT is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I am having this treatment because, it would seem that since being knocked off my bicycle in July 2012, I have developed some anxieties when it comes to riding my road bike.
My anxiety does not extend to all cycling. For instance, I can ride my single-speed bike and hybrid bike without many issues. It just tends to be around riding at speed, namely, training rides. My original psychological report suggested that I had a "Specific Phobia". More to do with an environment as opposed to an action. 
In the very few times I have been out for a ride, I have found myself being overly cautious and apprehensive when approaching junctions and busy roads. Even the quiet roads I find myself processing what may or may not happen. Is that car reversing out on to the road? Has that driver seen me? These thoughts are on a permanent loop in my mind. Thus taking away the joy I used to get from cycling. As the year has gone on, I find myself making more excuses to not go out for a ride. Lying to myself like a politician. "Well! It's not that I don't want to ride, its just in the current climate I dont think its advisable!"
Prior to the accident, many a Sunday morning would come and I would head out to the coast and back before work. Me time. Ride time. 
I don't usually cycle in groups or with a club. Thats just the way I am. I love the freedom of being able to go where I wanted and being able to stop or sprint when I wanted. I just want those joys back!

I'll update this after my visit to the Doctor. Stay tuned.

Legacy of a wreck.

July 8th 2012, at around 7.15 pm I was knocked of my road bike while out training for forthcoming triathlons. Over a year on and my bike has been restored to a ride worthy state. New forks, wheels, brakes, shifters, cables, bottle cages and handle bars. The bike is totally ready for action. I have even lent it to a close friend for her to use during her own first ever Triathlon. Problem is..... am I ready?

The 12th of July was a long time ago. So what's wrong?

I recently went for a psychological evaluation for part of my insurance/compensation claim. I have since received a copy of the doctor's report. It made for some very interesting reading. Some people have asked me if I "hammed it up" for the session with the doctor? I can tell you now. There is no way a reasonable person would be able to pull anything over the eyes of these trained professionals. The report was as much about my body language, eye contact and attitude, than anything else. He was very thorough in his questioning, bringing up some things from my medical records which caught me of guard. For example.

Pretty funny eh? As you can imagine. This took me by surprise BIG TIME! Apparently this was to see if I had any underlying anger management issues.... I don't.... I DON'T!!!!! ;-)

I  was also asked about my emotional state. I have always been more on the positive side. I mean I am very thankful that I didn't get seriously injured or worse. I have not had any real breakdowns. The closest i've come to "losing it" was the first time I saw this video to the Rudimental track- Waiting all night. It's opening sequence includes footage of a bike accident. The guy was a bit of a plum but no one deserves that.....

So what's wrong again? It turns out I have developed a form of Specific Phobia which is related to riding my road bike. I can ride my single speed (fixie), my hybrid and my commuter bikes, but I have issues with riding my race bike at pace. I have tried using it to ride to work, but I am still very nervous. I also seem to make excuses to avoid going riding. Too hot, too cold, looks like rain and there may be ice out. I can't pretend to understand this fully. I just know that my fear is irrational and unfounded. 

I hope to get back to it soon... tomorrow?

When I used to love you.

I have made the decision to change my focus. Over the last 4 years my goal was to get in shape to complete a full Ironman Triathlon (2.4mile swim 112mile Ride 26.2mile run). Through 2010-2012 I had competed in a few triathlons, Duathlons, running and cycling races. All with varying results and mostly fun!
During the summer of 2012 while in training for the Vitruvian Triathlon (Half distance Ironman) I was hit by a car while I was out cycling. Although thankful for being alive, I have been left scarred, scared, battered, bruised and injured.
I had initially deferred my Vitruvian Tri place to this year (2013), but i'm now realising that the lack of training rides and runs are leaving me way behind schedule to be able to compete competitively this year. I feel, if possible, I will defer again until 2014.
I have fixed up my road bike since the accident. New forks, gear mech, brakes etc. But I have not been able to enjoy riding it like I used to. The collision with the Citroen Saxo put an end to all that. I ride a single-speed bike for my daily commute to work. This is normally a steady roll to and from work. I enjoy this most of the time but I am suffering with anxiety on the roads of Ipswich. Sometimes finding myself being over cautious at EVERY junction. I am finding most cycling far too stressful

So, what now.

                                                   I run.....

I have fallen back in love with running. Barring injury, I am feeling this is where it's at for me. I have recently started Parkrun 5k races which are awesome. I feel 5k is my distance. My current PB is 22.30. Would love to get this to 19.59 before 2014 starts. I have entered the ballot for the Virgin Money London Marathon 2014. I have been unlucky in the ballot 4 years now. Surely this is my time.
The other thing is my weight. Since starting at the Greyhound my weight has gone up. Need to sort that shit out and fast. Snacking on chips and bread is my weakness. I'm currently rocking around 13st7lb. Want to get to 12st7lb by this time next year. With focus on healthier eating.

So that's it really. Going to forget about the bike training for now. Just swimming and running for health and fun. Not forgetting the gym sessions too.

I think this song sums up how I fell about Triathlon and cycling training.

Think im gonna knock #cycling #triathlon on the head. Really enjoying my running at the moment and the other stuff stresses me out.
— Brian Powlett(@Brix2tri) May 21, 2013

The price of injury

Went to the doctors today. This was so they could check and evaluate my injuries from my accident in July. Took longer than I anticipated but hopefully will be worth while. Have been told  that the scars will remain and not fade much more due to the nature of the cuts.
The injuries have all but healed. The scars still itch like a bastard. My knees only give me discomfort when squatting. I think most of the damage is psychological. I still am quite nervous on the road when cycling and my confidence has been smashed. Really not sure how I will react if I ever get back on the saddle.

Still just hanging there in my garage the "Dirty Bike Carcass"

Next step is to wait and see what/how much the solicitor recommends putting in a claim for. Then we wait.
Still unsure what to do with any compensation too. The option of getting a new bike is nice but the second option of investing in a new business opportunity for 2013 also appeals.
Guess I will have to wait and see.  

Thanks Mr Obree.

Hi ya,

I would like to take a moment to thank Mr Greame Obree the world famous cyclist for helping me become the person I am today. Not entirely cycling related, although I do intend to adopt his philosophies when I resume training.

So what was it that inspired me to thank My Obree? Possibly an off the cuff/ throw away remark he made during an interview on a podcast from Velo Don Logan.  The comment went along the lines of "Practicing/training until it becomes second nature" "until it becomes as simple as picking up or reaching for a coffee cup" 

Over the last 12 months I have changed from being a chef. To now teaching cookery at the local college. The learning curve for the job has been massive. I am by no means an academic, but with every challenge thrown my way I set myself a task of repetition and focus. Training my mind until the task at hand became second nature. I recently passed a very important “Management Observation” where I found the Obree “Coffee cup mantra” looping through my head. I know this does not work for everyone, but it did for me.

So for that little nugget of wisdom, I thank you Mr Obree.

:-)

Soon as I get my Kindle Account working again I will be downloading the book. But for anyone else interested follow this link. http://www.obree.com/store.php 




PS Good luck with your next challenge.

Brix.