Legacy of a wreck.

July 8th 2012, at around 7.15 pm I was knocked of my road bike while out training for forthcoming triathlons. Over a year on and my bike has been restored to a ride worthy state. New forks, wheels, brakes, shifters, cables, bottle cages and handle bars. The bike is totally ready for action. I have even lent it to a close friend for her to use during her own first ever Triathlon. Problem is..... am I ready?

The 12th of July was a long time ago. So what's wrong?

I recently went for a psychological evaluation for part of my insurance/compensation claim. I have since received a copy of the doctor's report. It made for some very interesting reading. Some people have asked me if I "hammed it up" for the session with the doctor? I can tell you now. There is no way a reasonable person would be able to pull anything over the eyes of these trained professionals. The report was as much about my body language, eye contact and attitude, than anything else. He was very thorough in his questioning, bringing up some things from my medical records which caught me of guard. For example.

Pretty funny eh? As you can imagine. This took me by surprise BIG TIME! Apparently this was to see if I had any underlying anger management issues.... I don't.... I DON'T!!!!! ;-)

I  was also asked about my emotional state. I have always been more on the positive side. I mean I am very thankful that I didn't get seriously injured or worse. I have not had any real breakdowns. The closest i've come to "losing it" was the first time I saw this video to the Rudimental track- Waiting all night. It's opening sequence includes footage of a bike accident. The guy was a bit of a plum but no one deserves that.....

So what's wrong again? It turns out I have developed a form of Specific Phobia which is related to riding my road bike. I can ride my single speed (fixie), my hybrid and my commuter bikes, but I have issues with riding my race bike at pace. I have tried using it to ride to work, but I am still very nervous. I also seem to make excuses to avoid going riding. Too hot, too cold, looks like rain and there may be ice out. I can't pretend to understand this fully. I just know that my fear is irrational and unfounded. 

I hope to get back to it soon... tomorrow?