My anxiety does not extend to all cycling. For instance, I can ride my single-speed bike and hybrid bike without many issues. It just tends to be around riding at speed, namely, training rides. My original psychological report suggested that I had a "Specific Phobia". More to do with an environment as opposed to an action.
In the very few times I have been out for a ride, I have found myself being overly cautious and apprehensive when approaching junctions and busy roads. Even the quiet roads I find myself processing what may or may not happen. Is that car reversing out on to the road? Has that driver seen me? These thoughts are on a permanent loop in my mind. Thus taking away the joy I used to get from cycling. As the year has gone on, I find myself making more excuses to not go out for a ride. Lying to myself like a politician. "Well! It's not that I don't want to ride, its just in the current climate I dont think its advisable!"
Prior to the accident, many a Sunday morning would come and I would head out to the coast and back before work. Me time. Ride time.
I don't usually cycle in groups or with a club. Thats just the way I am. I love the freedom of being able to go where I wanted and being able to stop or sprint when I wanted. I just want those joys back!
I'll update this after my visit to the Doctor. Stay tuned.
